I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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