I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
