eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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