im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
