peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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