Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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