we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
