You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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