Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Slut skills are useful in every country.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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