The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
That accounts for only three of the penises
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
