another moral hangover. fuck.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
