i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
