make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
