atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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