What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The cops high fived after they tackled you
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
