i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
