you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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