Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
