Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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