Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
