ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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