My Higher Power is John Stamos
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
