You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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