Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
