I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
