oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
