your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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