i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
as a side note pls kill me
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
