I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
