i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
