The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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