Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
