Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
