508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
