I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
