my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
