Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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