I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
