he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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