the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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