So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
