Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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