well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i may or may not be watching the land before time
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
