dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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