mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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