I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
