I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
