New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
