I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
