Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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