what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
